When I Don’t Want to Call the Doctor…Again

Have you ever put off calling the doctor, even though you know you should? Just because you feel like the biggest whiney complainer ever? Well, that is me right now. I see my doctor once a month, and I know I should call her and go in sooner, but I just cannot bring myself to do it. There is no legitimate reason, either. She always takes me seriously. I am not sure if I am afraid of another diagnosis, or of being told my weight gain over the past year is to blame.

Maybe I am just being lazy. I am in the midst of being tested for sleep apnea and hypersomnia, a form of narcolepsy. It seems like one more diagnosis at a time should be the limit. Right? I haven’t even told my husband about this latest craziness, although if it gets any worse, I won’t have much of a choice. My joints are extremely painful, especially my fingers and toes. I have not written much lately, because typing can be tough. Today is a bit better, so I am taking advantage of it.

Despite what most people seem to think about the chronically ill, I actually do not enjoy going to the doctor. Any doctor. Oh, I make the best of it when I go, don’t get me wrong. I try to be upbeat and make jokes, smile and laugh, but it’s not my favorite hobby. I just do not have a choice. Doctors are the only reason I am still alive, so my love-hate relationship leans towards love.

I feel like I complain all the time, even though I know I do not. I am so self-conscious about it, though. Doctors exist for my complaints, yet I am hesitant to call and whine. What is wrong with me? I am overthinking the whole thing, that is what. I am in pain, my doctor may very well have a solution, and I’m worried about being whiney. You know what? It’s time for me to quit being silly about this. I have a phone call to make.

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